Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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