Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
