Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Randomize
