no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
