And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
