woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
