he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
