I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
