there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
