sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
