if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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