is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
