apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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