Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
