I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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