If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Randomize
