Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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