it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
