I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
