Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
