I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
