dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
