Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize