I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
