I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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