here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
