Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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