The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
