Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
