In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You were trust falling into bushes
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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