can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
