one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Farmville is her only friend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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