Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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