too bad you live with your parents still
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
