I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
