some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
