I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
