kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
