my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
