He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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