she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
