From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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