Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
