I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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