I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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