so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
