I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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