But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
