I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize