I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
