i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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