Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
