when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
