dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
