i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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