So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
