I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just gift wrapped bread.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
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