Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
