Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
