there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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