She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize