it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
