Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
