Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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