hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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