I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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