I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
