I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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