new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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