i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
