So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
