Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
