On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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