She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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