Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
