Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
