I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
