I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
