I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We smell like vodka and hangover
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