just tell him i said nine months
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
