Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
