my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
